Wednesday, March 30
AWK HELLOS
I dunno ::sad face:: I always answer the phone the same way... I dont think I sound weird haha. But I guess I do since different people have told me so on numerous occasions. Thats why I posted this weird awkward picture of a corn dog saying "hello" cause its just I feel thats how I sound to people. I.. I will work on it. ::self concious now::
Hullo...
Hi
Hiya!
Heeyy
Hi hi
HE-LL-O
HELLO
Olo
Hello.
Like a Baby
Me: You know, you're like a baby...
B: Wua? How...
Me: You know how if you stare at a baby long enough they will slowly smile back at you?.. you're like that haha
B: ::smiles:: LIES!
B: Wua? How...
Me: You know how if you stare at a baby long enough they will slowly smile back at you?.. you're like that haha
B: ::smiles:: LIES!
Cherry Blossom Festival~
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| March 26th Saturday Afternoon |
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| The Cherry Blossoms were beautiful |
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| Riding the Metro from Takoma Park - I think I got the hang of it now |
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| "Hey you guys sit on the two benches and pose!"... "where are we supposed to look?" "I dunno if they are even taking pictures" "oh look over there...(drifts off)" Yeah thats me - third person down |
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| One day i'll understand this metro thing... "which line are we taking again" "oh and... how many more stops again?" |
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| Seeing old friends is always nice - it's a small small world |
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| Candids are amazing |
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| somewhat like a group photo |
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| "hey hey stand there and look up!"... "look up where?" "just look up!"... "okay" |
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| There's nothing like spending a sabbath afternoon with friends enjoying the beauty of nature that we often fail to take the time out to bask in |
{Picutre Credits to my friends Nisha & Choti}
Tuesday, March 29
Colored Contacts
Girl: "Baby I want colored contacts!"
Boy: "No, you don't need colored contacts"
Girl: "Uh, hello its called looking beautiful"
Boy: "Its called Vanity"
Girl's Friend: "No, Its called blind and she needs help"
Whose To Say
"Sometimes you have to do whats best for you, even if you don't want to"
But... how do you really know what's best for you?
But... how do you really know what's best for you?
Monday, March 28
Hoodie Obession
Sunday, March 27
And the Depression Sinks In Like Poison...
This semester hasnt been the greatest of semesters for me. Each day I find myself finding more and more things to complain about. I feel like I have no time to do anything, no motivation in school, no drive for anything in life. My future outlooks have been so bleak and my personal health both mentally and physically has been so pathetic. I find myself being moody most of the time and becoming irrationally angry, annoyed or upset at simple things. I wallow too much in my own self pity and quietly envy the happiness of other people. I feel lonely a lot more than necessary and contemplate memories that im never going to re-live.
Just recently, I was having another weak moment when my best friend got online to talk with me because she knew I needed someone to talk to. And while I was telling her about a number of things that were plaguing my mind she tells me of her own issues. Then she says something that strikes me "it's probably because im depressed".
Such a simple statement yet it hit me like a ton of bricks. IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE IM DEPRESSED. The suddenly all my problems seemed to make sense. And I replied "holy shit, I think im depressed". Why else would I feel so sad and lonely each day. Why else would I feel so unmotivated in school when I am usually the big nerd on campus. Sure, lots of students are feeling the pressure/senioritis this semester but I know my troubles come from something much more deeper then merely struggling with procrastination in studies. Why else would I feel like I have no bright future to look towards. Why else would I feel like im never going to do things right. Why I feel like im always going to be alone. Why I feel like im not living up to anyones expectations. Why I feel like im never going to gain the self confidence I need. Why so many things in my life have turned so grey.
I have never been depressed before so im not sure how to handle myself. Then I became more depressed because I am now aware of the fact that I am depressed. Ah life. You never fail to amuse me.
So as my friend and I continue to talk about how we continue to struggle with our unbalanced lives, she says something else that hits another cord. She said what we really need was to "improve our relationship with God" and wow .. it was another ton of bricks haha. I can sit here and complain about all the things in my life that need to be fixed or about all the types of people I need in my life. But at the end of the day what I really need is God and God alone. With Him I know I can regain all the peace that i've robbed myself of. Im not in the best place with God right now and as I continue to walk away from Him I feel my life becoming darker and darker. He gives me the peace , happiness and motivation in life I could never get from somewhere else. Ive polluted my life with all these worldly ideals and materials trying to seek that satisfaction and ended up no where. I need to come back. I need to be healthy again - both physically and mentally. I find I keep too much to myself sometimes - which is what gets me thinking too much to myself - alone - all the time. I need to learn to trust and depend on my best friends more. They are my best friends for a reason and I need to understand that it is okay to depend on them. To have them listen to me. Im always ready to be there for other people but I dont know how to let other people be there for me. I will work on that. My friend and I have promised to support, depend on, encourage and walk together on this path.
(Isaiah 40:31 DRC) 31 But they that hope in the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall take wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
The Lord has NEVER forsaken me and I know now the continuously numerous times I fall Hes always there watching me and guiding me but most importantly never leaving my side. I pray each night "Lord please do not give up on me". Yet what have I done to repay His undying love and loyalty? I know what I should do but I continue to make excuses. Bad habits. Bad decisions. Impure thoughts and an ever absent mind. Time is running out and when the final judgment comes - where will I be? At this rate I know where i'll be - and sadly it is NOT the side I wanna be on. So again, I need to fix that. So i'll start by finally opening that door Hes been knocking on and taking a step forward.
(Revelation of John 3:20) 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, then I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.
Thank you Lord for never giving up on me, and sorry for taking the long way around. Thank you for the beautiful, supporting, and loving friends you have so graciously blessed me with in my life. For comforting me with the love of these people I call my best friends and family. To physically know I am never alone because I see and witness your love for me through their hearts. So each day - good or bad - whether I succeed or fail - whether in laughter or tears - in pain or sorrow - in frustration or peace - lost or in love - I will continue to pray. Pray. Pray. Pray.
(John 8:12) 12 Again, therefore, Jesus spoke to them, saying, "“I am the light of the world. He who follows me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life.”"
Just recently, I was having another weak moment when my best friend got online to talk with me because she knew I needed someone to talk to. And while I was telling her about a number of things that were plaguing my mind she tells me of her own issues. Then she says something that strikes me "it's probably because im depressed".
Such a simple statement yet it hit me like a ton of bricks. IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE IM DEPRESSED. The suddenly all my problems seemed to make sense. And I replied "holy shit, I think im depressed". Why else would I feel so sad and lonely each day. Why else would I feel so unmotivated in school when I am usually the big nerd on campus. Sure, lots of students are feeling the pressure/senioritis this semester but I know my troubles come from something much more deeper then merely struggling with procrastination in studies. Why else would I feel like I have no bright future to look towards. Why else would I feel like im never going to do things right. Why I feel like im always going to be alone. Why I feel like im not living up to anyones expectations. Why I feel like im never going to gain the self confidence I need. Why so many things in my life have turned so grey.
I have never been depressed before so im not sure how to handle myself. Then I became more depressed because I am now aware of the fact that I am depressed. Ah life. You never fail to amuse me.
So as my friend and I continue to talk about how we continue to struggle with our unbalanced lives, she says something else that hits another cord. She said what we really need was to "improve our relationship with God" and wow .. it was another ton of bricks haha. I can sit here and complain about all the things in my life that need to be fixed or about all the types of people I need in my life. But at the end of the day what I really need is God and God alone. With Him I know I can regain all the peace that i've robbed myself of. Im not in the best place with God right now and as I continue to walk away from Him I feel my life becoming darker and darker. He gives me the peace , happiness and motivation in life I could never get from somewhere else. Ive polluted my life with all these worldly ideals and materials trying to seek that satisfaction and ended up no where. I need to come back. I need to be healthy again - both physically and mentally. I find I keep too much to myself sometimes - which is what gets me thinking too much to myself - alone - all the time. I need to learn to trust and depend on my best friends more. They are my best friends for a reason and I need to understand that it is okay to depend on them. To have them listen to me. Im always ready to be there for other people but I dont know how to let other people be there for me. I will work on that. My friend and I have promised to support, depend on, encourage and walk together on this path.
(Isaiah 40:31 DRC) 31 But they that hope in the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall take wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
The Lord has NEVER forsaken me and I know now the continuously numerous times I fall Hes always there watching me and guiding me but most importantly never leaving my side. I pray each night "Lord please do not give up on me". Yet what have I done to repay His undying love and loyalty? I know what I should do but I continue to make excuses. Bad habits. Bad decisions. Impure thoughts and an ever absent mind. Time is running out and when the final judgment comes - where will I be? At this rate I know where i'll be - and sadly it is NOT the side I wanna be on. So again, I need to fix that. So i'll start by finally opening that door Hes been knocking on and taking a step forward.
(Revelation of John 3:20) 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, then I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.
Thank you Lord for never giving up on me, and sorry for taking the long way around. Thank you for the beautiful, supporting, and loving friends you have so graciously blessed me with in my life. For comforting me with the love of these people I call my best friends and family. To physically know I am never alone because I see and witness your love for me through their hearts. So each day - good or bad - whether I succeed or fail - whether in laughter or tears - in pain or sorrow - in frustration or peace - lost or in love - I will continue to pray. Pray. Pray. Pray.
(John 8:12) 12 Again, therefore, Jesus spoke to them, saying, "“I am the light of the world. He who follows me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life.”"
Friday, March 18
So I have this problem....
Moments of Weakness
They call the girl who never cries and keeps pushing ahead strong. I say differently. Its the girl who acknowledges her pain... cries over it... hurts over it... realizes her mistakes... realizes what she needs... and gets back up and only then carries on.
Strength comes from facing and acknowledging the problem and learning how to overcome it. That's what I believe anyway.
I used to think I was a strong person. My friends say I am. But I know now that i'm not. And theres nothing wrong with that. But i'd like to do better from here on out.
I can go through each day perfectly fine - perfectly happy without a single regret. But sometimes late at night when theres too much time to think... too much silence ... I think. I think and I remember. And when I remember I miss you. And when I miss you I become lonely. And when I become lonely I try to convince myself to do everything I know I shouldnt do. And its very tricky. To miss you so much but hold myself back because I cant go around in circles anymore. I dont think I made the wrong decision. But that doesnt mean my feelings just vanished so easily. And that doesnt mean I dont miss you - my best friend in every way. But when I do miss you its difficult. And that's my moment of weakness.
But I wont give in anymore. I'll bear the pain through the night because I know in the morning I'll be okay again. And soon enough, I'll finally be okay even through the night.
Strength comes from facing and acknowledging the problem and learning how to overcome it. That's what I believe anyway.
I used to think I was a strong person. My friends say I am. But I know now that i'm not. And theres nothing wrong with that. But i'd like to do better from here on out.
I can go through each day perfectly fine - perfectly happy without a single regret. But sometimes late at night when theres too much time to think... too much silence ... I think. I think and I remember. And when I remember I miss you. And when I miss you I become lonely. And when I become lonely I try to convince myself to do everything I know I shouldnt do. And its very tricky. To miss you so much but hold myself back because I cant go around in circles anymore. I dont think I made the wrong decision. But that doesnt mean my feelings just vanished so easily. And that doesnt mean I dont miss you - my best friend in every way. But when I do miss you its difficult. And that's my moment of weakness.
But I wont give in anymore. I'll bear the pain through the night because I know in the morning I'll be okay again. And soon enough, I'll finally be okay even through the night.
Georgetown Cupcakes
Apparently Choti has found a new hot spot for eye candy and possible mingling with fine folk - so thats soon to be the new chill spot (COUGHhuntinggroundCOUGH)
Thank you for the delicious midnight snack my dear!
I appreciate you carrying it around all day for me <3
Also I cannot forget the many treats my Huswife gave me today too - all the candy and gum and awkward car situations with trucks and peddles that are too far to reach...
My bestfriends really do spoil me (IM NOT COMPLAINING ::wink::)
Monday, March 14
Pocky-Pocky-Pocky
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I have ALWAYS been a fan of pocky - its good stuff! Way back in 07' my best friend from Japan sent a BOX of pocky over for christmas. It was the greatest gift ever haha. Since then my friends and I are always buying pocky and killing several boxes in a day. This past weekend I decided to grab some from the asian store. Its been tooooooo long since i've had some pocky. I killed the green box (chocolate almonds) in 2 minutes - it was so shameful lol. I plan to bring the yellow box to campus tomorrow to surprise my Huswife!! <3
Ah the joys of chocolate pocky~
Studying @ Panera
Spent this evening writing a paper with Choti at Panera. Had my caramel latte (which unfortunately burned my tongue - never the less I still felt super smart drinking my latte while working on my laptop). Free WI-FI is amazing. I like studying in Panera - the atmosphere is very relaxed and the lighting is good too - unlike some places (STARBUCKS) with dim lights. I may have to make it a habit to go back to Panera every now and then.
"I have 13 pages to write"
"Wow, how much have you done?"
" 2 pages"
"Haha when is it due?"
"Tomorrow"
"Omg get to work!"
"I know! I know! ::starts talking to self:: Okay okay, calm down... ::pats self on the back:: you can do this, you can do this!"
"I know! I know! ::starts talking to self:: Okay okay, calm down... ::pats self on the back:: you can do this, you can do this!"
"Omg, I dunno what I wanna drink... coffee? hot chocolate? tea!?"
"Calm down, its not that serious"
"But noo what if I want something cold? or hot?"
"Hey get off of facebook!"
"How did you know!?.. YOU get off of facebook!"
Mini ABC Reunion Time
Even as I move on in life, they will always be my ABC family.
8:00 till 11:30 pm just talking about nothing and everything at the same time.
Of course, we are who we are and that means down right silly people.
These losers know they're lost without me haha. Jk... Maybe.
Awesome friends bring Awesome food
Friday night I was surprised by two friends of mine who brought me and choti Starbucks Red Velvet Whoopie cakes! This really meant a lot to me (not only because im fat and appreciate any free food) but because my friend had been teasing me all week because he knew I wouldnt be able to try the cake due to my crazy busy schedule. He kept making fun of me all week and boasted about how he would get to try it before me. About how he really liked red velvet too.But In the end him and his friend gave up their free cake and let us have it! I was so surprised and very touched by the simple gesture. Because I know he really wanted to try it. So sweet!
To add to an amazing Friday, my huswife aka the ultimate cook made some butter chicken curry. MMMM~ her cooking is always amazing. Only she and I know the craziness we had to go through so I could sneak some of this out when I left her house haha. Let's just say our acting has improved a lot since high school! ;)
Anyways, the curry was amazing as usual and now I want to go eat some indian food even tho its 2 am lol
HOPE for Japan
"Japan was hit by one of the largest earthquakes ever recorded on Friday. The magnitude-8.9 quake spawned a deadly tsunami that slammed into the nation's east coast, leaving a huge swath of devastation in its wake. Hundreds of people are dead and many more are still missing or injured."
I'm not going to share any pictures of the actual destruction from the tsunami because I think there is enough of that going around anyway. Watching those videos, looking at those pictures, reading those new articles - they all break my heart. Instead I want to focus on something more positive. "HOPE for Japan"... "Pray for Japan". For those of us, safely sitting across the world, we need to stop focusing on all the bad things and being amazed at all the destruction that the earthquake & tsunami left behind and instead start doing something to help. Donations are available everywhere - yes, even through text messages. Japan has helped us with our disasters and its time to show a little compassion and do the same.
On a more personal, perhaps a little selfish note, I am horribly thankful that my loved ones and friends in Japan were untouched. That the disaster of the earthquake and tsunami missed them.
"Japan earthquake and tsunami death toll expected to exceed 10,000; survivors worry about supplies"
This is incorrect. In fact, the death toll is expected to exceed 20,000 people.
20,000 people. Its horribly tragic. I can only pray to God each moment that He comforts them in a way no one else can. That He may continue to guide, strengthen, encourage and give hope to all those who have lost loved ones and suffered in this disaster. To help them through the many aftershocks and nuclear threats of radiation and more. Lord knows they have already suffered that enough in the past. My heart goes out to you Japan. You are not alone.
HOPE for Japan. Pray for Japan
May the rest of us continue to count our blessings each and every day. Life is precious and every day is a gift from God.
Thursday, March 10
Slouchy Sling Bag.. Thing
Recently I find myself really really wanting a slouchy sling bag thing! Especially for my Japan trip this summer, I want something I can always carry that will also be out of my way so I can use both of my hands all the time. Cute, efficient and no fighting to keep the purse on my shoulder =)
Tuesday, March 8
Fun Sized
Visited a friend after about 3 years... I got up to use the bathroom and she burts out laughing... " hahaha amina aint neva gonna grow!". It's so true though... my growth spurt ended in what? - sixth grade!? It sucks... every reunion I feel smaller and smaller as everyone else (ESPECIALLY THE GUYS) get taller and taller! My babyface shall forever exist as well! Sometimes it feels like everyones maturing and im stuck as a child forever, hmph. I need to find more asian friends lol. But being short can have its advantages... like.. you know... ::silence::..... we-wearing heels! wearing heels and not feeling like a giant! AH HAH
Happy Birthday Choti
My ride or die buddy for life - shes always willing to come out whenever I call her to drag her along with me. I met this amazing person about 3 years ago when we entered into the same work place - same day - same time. Since then she has always been by my side. The good times have never stopped and I am so grateful to God for having her by my side all these years. Would have never survived so long at work (or life!) without her. All our understandings, jokes, laughs, worries, anxieties, annoyances, and issues shared all along the way. Oh and shared clothes too... mainly me stealing her awesome clothes =p
I can ALWAYS act like a fool with this girl! Sometimes she likes to act like shes too mature to be silly with me but we all know shes just as crazy silly as I am anyday!
FOOD always brings us together - I LOVE being fat with this girl!! ( picture on the bottom shows us walking around with our mouths full - hahaha like i said...Only she understands me and my needs lol ) Shes the type of girl who if I called her up asking for her to pig out on chocolates with me she would reply the BEST way out of all my BFFS haha (sorry girls <3)
me: hey guys come eat this huge box of chocolate with me!! IM CRAVING CHOCOLATE!!
Huswife: ::reads nutrition:: okay... but i'm only having 3 pieces... that's already 236 calories!
Nemo:: I don't really eat chocolate like that.. BUT i'll eat anything, so OKAY! But lets get pho later..
Cece:: Make sure you go to the gym after this!
Choti:: OMG YOU'RE SO FAT!!.... YO LETS GO TO FRIDAYS AND EAT A BROWNIE OBSESSION INSTEAD!!
I can ALWAYS, ALWAYS depend on her to be there for me. She really is like an older sister to me. I know she cares about me and looks out for me. She lets me raid her closet all the time and never hesitates to give whatever she can to help me out. She even brings over food so I can eat it for dinner ::sniff:: shes so nice. Love her.
Haha - these pictures basically show you how were are together all the time. Being stupid all the time. She's done so much for me and I owe her a lot. Happy Birthday Choti. May you continue to bless my life (lol). Thanks for all that you do. You KNOW you're the best. Love gossiping with you hehehehe we talk shit ALL THE TIME and I know its bad but with you its frickin hilarious!! Also we need to go into rehab one day for our shopping addictions ... (psst.. lets go to the mall! LOL) Also we need to help each other lose weight and earn more money hahaha. SEE WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON WITH OUR GOALS.... its too bad we are so unmotivated and are both TERRIBLE at following through with them ::high five::
LOVEloveLOVE YOU <3>
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