I would very much rather be someone who cares too much as opposed to someone who doesn't care at all.
People come and go from our lives on a constant basis -something I'm learning to get used too - to accept. It sucks but i'm getting much better at dealing with it. I know not every person I meet will stay in my life forever - that's impossible and much too chaotic. But in my ideal world i'd like to keep those I grow close to with me forever. In my ideal world we'd never grow apart. In my ideal world we'd always be there for each other. In my ideal world calling someone your best friend means exactly that and all that comes with it. In my ideal world i'd never have to lose any friends. In my ideal world we'd always understand each others feelings. In my ideal world we wouldn't be selfish. In my ideal world we'd never get hurt.
Life lessons are the hardest ones to learn. I'd like to think I've learned enough to this point to know to try my best so that I have no regrets. And I do just that. I do my part and try my best but you can only put so much into a relationship when the other side is giving 15% and you 110%.
I am FAR from perfect but I do try my best to be a good friend. Things aren't always going to be good. There are going to be rough patches for sure. But caring about someone isn't just being good when its good but being good even when its bad. Working it out with them. Talking it out with them. Respecting them enough to let them know wassap. Setting aside some of your pride to make sure you keep them. Knowing that their friendship is worth much more than that little bit of anger.
But I can only put myself out there for so long till I regress. I am the type of person who will come to you if I care about you - not pushy but enough to let you know we're good. But the more you avoid me. Ignore me. Push me away. The faster I go. I don't like to baby people anymore. I'm not going to sit around waiting to get hurt or rejected or for you to get over yourself. I'm more than willing to talk things out but you're going to actually have to talk to me - I cannot read minds. As obvious as you think something may be - it's not always the case. I can be a lot more understanding than you think. And to the people I have lost - I really wish you could have understood that.
I am always always hurt-sad-dissapointed when I drift away from or lose someone close to me. But it's a part of life. My friend says I care too much or do too much for other people when they do nothing for me in return. Well first off, I don't do things to expect things in return. I do them genuinely. I do them because I care that much. And I will go that extra mile for someone I consider close to me even if they slap me in the face each time after. Not because i'm pressed or desperate but because I MYSELF considered you to be someone important. Even if the feelings are not mutual. Like I said, I do it genuinely. But relationships work both ways. One person alone does not make a relationship/friendship.
People will come and go. They make their choices and you make yours. You just take those experiences with you - cherish them, learn from them.
I'm not running away anymore - I'm just moving on.
