One of the greatest perks about having best friends is knowing you can always count on them to slap you upside the head when your being stupid - or kick you back into gear when your dragging your feet...
Im so eternally grateful for the ones i've got. The current me is a disgusting shell of the old me and its starting to show. My close friends are starting to notice that im not the same Amina anymore. Im so zoned out all the time my friend said I looked high haha. My other friend just stops me while we were walking to sincerely ask me "are you okay?" This semester has really by far been the roughest i've ever had in college. Been feeling like my lifes a big huge mess yet not caring about it. Too many things gone wrong and not enough things going right.
But, after some guidance, I think I can finally start walking back on the right path again. Getting myself re-motivated about life and all that it includes. As my best friend says "i refuse to say your depressed, because that just sounds bad... lets say this... you're just not feeling well... you're just in a bad time". So step 1. Do not declare self as depressed (be more optimistic lol). Working on fixing some rough patches in my life right now. School being the most important because I have been royally fucking that up. Fixing my personal health - physically and emotionally and being revived.
Although if there was ONE thing I wish I could improve on - its my insane-over-the-top-confusing-erratic-annoying-stubborn-wishy-washy-crazy-as-hell habit of over-analyzing EVERYTHING in life.
"Amina your problem is that you'll look at the same picture that everyone sees as a masterpiece and beautiful, and instead of just taking it as it is you'll find all the mistakes and look at every line, color and pattern and try and figure out why the strokes are angled the way they are and why theres an orange streak with the blue streaks. Then you'll get frustrated and angry because you cant figure out the answer and start questioning everything there is about the painting"
Dont you just love when your bff knows you so well? haha. I know it.
I just need to learn to enjoy life more and start focusing on the important things in life and stop being so defensive and scared to take a step into anything new or potentially hurtful.
Started working out again - goal of killing at least 500 calories a day. Started focusing on school more and actually giving a damn about classes (and not skipping them lol). Looking into adding Gerontology as a Minor because I see great opportunities in that field so I may be delaying graduation a bit but thats okay - for once im not freaking out about doing things perfectly. Looking for a new job or internship - I find I work better when im busy- apparently I cant handle having too much idle time =/ Imma stop pushing people away and learning to depend on my friends more. Going to involve myself in church more - i feel like I can really find my peace there with God. Learning not to stress over everything and just relax and enjoy walks in the park. Be more optimistic about each day - basically... just getting out of this funk!
