"If growing up is the process of creating ideas and dreams about what life should be, then maturity is letting go again." by Mary Beth Danielson
Ever since i can remember, i've always been told to "dream big"
Daddy said to grow up and make lots of money so i can be rich
Mommy said to grow up and become a doctor with all the nice titles
When i was smaller i had always wanted to become a teacher, just so i could do what they did in class... walk around talking, color on the overhead, eat in class, drink coffee or soda, not do homework, or have to take tests.... thats what i thought anyway.
Got a little older and realised how important having money was. Decided then that i wanted to be a doctor. Like the game operation - it seemed easy and fun. Plus hey look, i will make mad $$. What could be better?
Mommy said be a doctor
Daddy said be a doctor
With that dream i went through middle school....high school...college
"So what do you want to be when you grow up?"
A doctor
cause mommy said to... daddy too...
And i honestly thought thats what i had wanted too. But slowly over time i realised its not that easy. Such a simple thought but really... its ...not...that...simple....at all.
Becoming a doctor has to be one of THEE hardest career paths. I didnt give up my dream to be a doctor just because it was too difficult - thats no excuse, or maybe it was for me? Trying to become a doctor while not even really caring to be one is not good enough. Only money on my mind.
It was simply because i finally woke up from that dream of ignorance. Not evey one can be a doctor. They say as long as you try your hardest you can do anything. Nice. Sorry im tired of dreaming while asleep. I only dream when im awake now.
Not everyone can be a great doctor. You have to have a passion... a talent...a gift for it. All of which i lack. Saving people is a wonderful gift. But its not where my talents...passion...gifts lie. Im no biochemist, pre-med major. Im no good in biology, chemistry, math, physics...all of which is needed to be mastered in order to become a doctor. Im average in them. And average gets you no where. Especially in such a competitive field.
I have no big dreams anymore. I dont know what i want. It hit me senior year but college has really shown me that i have no idea what i want for myself. Right now im focusing on psychology and seeing where that takes me. I want a dream i have passion for. Psych somewhat brings that out...somewhat...
My parents dont approve but i need to do something for myself... its my life. Im sorry i cannot make them proud as a doctor but i needa make myself happy/proud before i do anyone else. I look at my other peers and see their passion for what they do... want to become. Its inspiring and dishartening at the same time. Their achievements while it makes me happy, also makes me see how little i've done... how far i am.... how lost i am. They say college is where u figure that out but... i dont have the $$ to be taking all these classes figuring out what i want.
Honestly, the only dream i have right now is to be happy. Is that not good enough though?... now-a-days no one ever focuses on things like that... the answer is always a career path of some sort.... i cant major in "being happy" nor will "being happy" earn me a salary but i think thats something essential in living a good life. No one ever seems to really be happy anymore n e way. Everyones just content. Being just content isnt good enough for me. But if that dream isnt good enough i'll just make it my goal instead.
my dream? well thats just gonna have to be left undecided then
**thanks to jhovi [[turtle-kun]] for the inspiration**
