It never ceases to amaze me how, whenever i decide to finally clear some old stuff out of the computer...out of the closet..out of the old boxes...I always manage to find something fun... amusing... thought provoking... inspiring... something.... cherishable. While i cant possible share everything that i've found i thought to share this. It's an old letter i had written to someone a long time ago.
While everything is said and done. I still enjoy reading this letter which i wrote with so much emotion that no one could possibly really understand but me. So much bitterness so much pain... yet at the same time theres so much laughter and happiness that i cant help but chuckle and give a small smile everytime i read it. And its not even so much who it was addressed to but everything else behind it. The letter as a whole.Dramatic? Maybe... but thats just me
This letter inspires me a lot. And i hope... that all those others going through difficult times right now can gain even a lil from this. That yes, its okay to be hurt... its okay to cry...but in the end thats life... we have to move on. But not everything has to end filled with regret. Cherish and remember all those good times. Nothing is ever a total waste. We gain something in all we do in life. We grow.
What's past is past. I cant change what happened nor would i ever want to. I believe things happen to each and everyone of us for a reason, whether we see that at the time or not. I dont regret what happened... the memories i have will always be with me.
"Dont ever regret something that once made you smile"
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Farewell to yesterday
"Three strikes and your out" – I guess that saying kinda goes with our situation huh? Three tries over the course of 4 years… Each time trying a little harder, making a little more effort and understanding a little better… but I guess it wasn't enough because for some reason we're just not meant to "work". I guess when the end comes u start thinking about the beginning…
Ninth grade was fun. SO much drama that we could have definitely wrote a story about it and it would have sold in millions. Our first meeting was cute. Me being all shy because u were a stranger and you being all awkward because u were confused. Slowly over time we became acquaintances that lead to good friends. I still remember the day u have me that necklace on my birthday, sitting with my brother and hiding from my mom – haha u were upset and thought I didn't like it but I treasured it. The first day u saw me wearing the necklace… I swore your face lit up like a little boy on Christmas Eve and I couldn't help but grin at how easy u were to pacify. Oh yeah, and remember the day u refused to speak to me because I never called bk one day and how u pouted all day in the cafeteria? And how I use to sit on the steps because I couldn't come downstairs but I refused to leave. But then the good times faded with the trials of GROWING UP- we both said and did things we regret till this day. I was the first to make the mistake… I gave into peer pressure... trying to follow and be someone I wasn't and could never be. I made that one rash decision that changed the course of our friendship. But we learned and grew from those mistakes and became that better person we are today. I hurt you and u broke my heart in return… its okay… we move on… after her u left, wanting nothing more to do with any of us in the group. I wanted nothing to do with the group either… so farewell…
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Tenth grade was memorable. After we both matured and got over the past we gradually started speaking again. Our bond quickly started growing and once again we became the closest of friends. Our understanding and willingness to forgive was what gave way to our friendship. We experienced so many things together… going to parties, dances, movies, etc. together and wanting to chill so much that we even invited family to come with us. LOL do u remember how we met up at that concert and coincidentally sat right NEXT to each other!? How crazy was that!? I had even begun a whole crazy hat "THING" with you. Getting jealous over ANYONE who tried to steal my "thing". We enjoyed teasing and making fun of one another knowing for a fact that neither of us took it to heart. ///" are u mad?"/// -_______________- a true classic of yours. We became almost inseparable… everyone, even those who knew us the best, believed us to be going out- and we basically were…I remember your Christmas gift to me. It took me a good hour before I actually opened the box up that contained the infamous ring I asked for. LOL u pouted for weeks on how u didn't think I liked the ring and there was nothing I could do to convince u otherwise. From that day on I cherished that ring and wore it everyday. Watching Hindi movies in order to see if the other would cry again… our stupid lil pet names… fixing your hair… stupid xanga fun superslut nd uberhoe lol we were so stupidly cute. But once again good times came to end. You found another her… the HER for real this time. I was slowly yet quickly pushed out of your life. Bitter and hurt I came to u and u made promises but never came through. U tried… I know u did… but it just wasn't enough. You had a choice and u chose… thus we were left behind… I as well wanted nothing to do with u because I was hurt and didn't understand….so farewell again….
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Twelfth grade is unforgettable. A year apart did us good. Even during all our time apart not even speaking once… in a matter of a day or two we started speaking and acting as if we never parted. Our chemistry truly amazes me. No we may no longer hold romantic feelings towards each other like years ago but no one can deny our strong and unique chemistry. We connect. We trust. We understand. We listen. We care. Our first night out together we ending up driving around for FIVE hours doing nothing but talking non stop. As u said... there wasn't more then 10 seconds of silence till one of us started talking again. The second time around was so stressful we ended up making a fool out of ourselves… especially me… haha I remember how u couldn't even listen to a word I said because u were so nervous, even if I was telling u how I couldn't breathe and that I was going to pass out u just went "uhh yeah- huh!?" And then how I couldn't stop laughing because of all my nerves that I ended up squirting soda out my nose. Then wen we spent some time out side in the car with your sunroof open to gaze at the stars and chill- just talking about how crazy the night was. TXT'in each other the whole day about stupid and random things… talking on the phone for hours… chatting on AIM 24/7 and forever laughing in each others presence…so much that our stomachs ached from laughing. So once again we became nearly inseparable and close. You became closer to me in those two weeks then some friends have in a few years. We trusted each other with everything- telling each other things we'd never tell n e one else… so comfortable in one anothers presence that we'd joke and talk about things we normally wouldn't have. We risked a lot to chill but did so because it was worth it. I was here when u needed someone to be… and listened when u needed some to listen… in return u helped me help my friend and even offered to go out of your way for my friend. But as it painfully seems…once again….all good things must come to an end… a horrible day gone wrong… short time cut shorter…. Friendships broken…. Trust torn… feelings hurt….hearts broken….misunderstandings left misunderstood…
Why does it seem that everytime we come close again something tears us apart? Why cant two best friends just be best friends with out ppl assuming and making judgements. Someone close to us on both sides kept trying to pull us apart… why? Because they ASSUMED we were something we weren't. One just doesn't understand… he's never experienced the kind of friendship we had… but then again most ppl never will. The other was just filled with pure jealousy and hate, never really getting to know me for me and taking u away because of that. We both tried our best but sometimes some things just don't work out. But after all has been said and done… I could never hate u… I've told u this and you've told me the same. I can't imagine what u must be going through right now but u know I tried with everything to be there for u wen u needed me to be there… I was willing to risk everything to keep our friendship but in the end that's something that needs effort from both sides. Ur leaving soon… so I took into consideration and understanding that you'd rather just leave everything behind and create a new life. Honestly… I thought… wished with everything… that you'd tell me u were willing to keep our friendship no matter what as well…. But apparently we cant have everything and we need to grow up and accept the things we cannot change…. and still I hold no anger towards you… I guess in the end he did kill us huh? LoL where am I gonna find a "HAWT" date now huh?
yes I was hurt… yes I was bitter… yea I'm a lil confused… but I hold strong to what I said to u that night with the msgs I left u. So I respect your wishes… since u choose not to reply. Please don't think of this as a way to get bk at you because its not… its something…my way of letting go… moving on… and at the same time… something im hoping u will see as an understanding from me. I know im being very vague with whatt I have to say but your smart enough to read in between the lines. I asked for a goodbye… but then I realized I couldn't do that… not in any form that u may have thought of n e way… so this will be my way of saying it. I tried to talk to u before… I waited everyday for u to say something… u never came. Yes I asked to at least say goodbye because I felt as though I deserved that much at least… and I still feel that way but then I realized that I couldn't. For u to not talk to me then come to me a day b4 u leave would be cruel, so I choose this method instead. Really I can manage... I understand… to be blunt u left me twice before… I think the third times a charm… each time before I was left with bitterness and regret but this time I did all I could… and tried my best. Ill always cherish EVERYTHING we've been through in all these years u don't know how much you've really supported me in my life. I love you as a bestfriend and I mean that with all my heart. I sincerely wish for the best for u and your family but most of all I wish u happiness.
